After bein raped Squeak stands up for herself. She wants Harpo to call her by her real name now, Mary Agnes. Sofia has been released from prison. She gon have to work at the Mayor's house now. Mary helps Sofia out with them crazy kids that the Mayor's wife, Miss Mille, got. That little boy hates Sofia and she feels the same way too. You can tell the little girl likes her, but Sofia don't care. She don't care about much now. Sofia might as well be a slave in that house. She do all the work and never never gets to see her kin.
Shug got Mary Agnes real interested in singing. Mary start off singing Shug's old songs, now she sing her own songs she make up.
Sofia don't understand the Mayor's family. The Mayor bought Miss Millie a brand new car. But never taught how to drive. So she got Sofia to show her. Then around Christmas time she offered to drive Sofia to see her children. It be Christmas time and all and Sofia be working hard. When Sofia got in the front seat Miss Millie tell her to sit in the back. Sofia always sat up front when showing her how to drive. But now she say she can't be seen with a black person in the front seat. Hm. Anyways when Sofia finally saw her kids Miss Millie walk in saying I can't leave. Sofia ast why not? She say she never learned how to back in a car. Miss Millie was gettin mad cause she messed the cars gears. When Sofia say her brother in law could take her on home she say no. She take Sofia back with her back to the Mayor's place. Sofia only got to see her kids for five minutes. Five short minutes. Miss Millie say she "ungrateful" whenever Sofia talks about that time.
Shug wrote us about a big surprise she was gon bring down with her. But me and Mr. _____ don't like it. The surprise be Grady. Shug's new lover you could say. He rub me the wrong way. I don't like him. I always feel left out when her and Grady are together. I can tell Mr. ____ don't like him either. Shug don't have the same sparkle in her eyes as she did before. But she be doin real good with her singing. She know lots of famous people and shes more famous than ever. Im real happy for her. Mr. ____ and Grady have been drinking a lot with each other. It gives me and Shug time for the two of us. She ast if sex with Mr. ____ is any better. Tell her it aint no better. She call me a virgin since I never liked it. We sleep in the same bed and talk about everuthing. I didnt realize how much I missed her. I finally told her about everything that happened to me. My daddy, my momma, my children, and my beloved, dead sister Nettie. Shug cry and cry when I finished. And she told me she loves me.
I couldn't believe. Shug said something about strange letters she sees Mr. ____ hide. Thought we should go look at them. We wait till we home alone. When Grady and Mr. ____ are gone. Shug gets they key opens up his trunk and found a bunch of letters that have been from Africa. My sister is still alive, or she wrote before she died anyways. There are so many letters. Shug put them in the right order for me. We got through the first few before the men got home.
I have never felt such anger before! My Nettie is still alive. All these years I believed she was dead. And Mr. ____ has been hiding her letters this whole time.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sofia Got Arrested
Sofia got arrested for sassing the mayor's wife. Miss Millie ( the mayor's wife name) told Sofia that her children are so clean and wondered if Sofia would work for her as her maid. Sofia said Hell no not once but twice. Then the mayor came over and asked Sofia what she said and she told the mayor too Hell no. The mayor slapped Sofia and Sofia got mad and everybody knows what happens when you slap Sofia. Sofia knocked the mayor out. Then the police came and started slinging the children off the mayor and bang their heads together and they dragged Sofia away. They beat up Sofia Mr._____ told me. The prizefighter wanted to join but Sofia said "No, take the children home." They cracked Sofia's ribs, tore her nose loose on one side and blinded her in one eye. She swollen from head to foot, her tongue the size of my arm and it stick out between her teeth like a piece of rubber. She can't talk and about the color of a eggplant.
They put Sofia to work in the prison laundry. All day from five to eight she washing clothes. We see her twice a month for half an hour. Her face yellow and sickly. I asked her how she manages in her and she said she pretend she like me whenever someone tell her to do it she jumps up and do what they say.
We dressed Squeak( Mary Agnes) like a white women to visit her uncle the warden down at the prison where Sofia is held. We wanted the warden to take Sofia away from the prison and become the mayor's wife maid. So we made up a lie about how Sofia is happy where she is at and how it would be worse if she became the mayor's wife maid.
Squeak came home with a limp. Her dress rip. Her hat missing and one of the heels come off her shoe. Squeak told us that he could see the Hodges in her but didn't like it one bit. He started asking me who my folks were? I told him my mama's name, my grandmama's name and grandpa's name. He asked who my daddy's is and where did I get my eyes. I told him I didn't know who my daddy was. Then he asked if he had seen him before and I told him he has about ten years ago when I was a little girl he gave me a quarter. I told him I really appreciated that quarter. He didn't remember that. He took off my hat and told me to undo my dress. He said that if he was really my uncle he wouldn't do it to me. That that would be a sin. But this is just a little fornication. Everybody guilty of that.
They put Sofia to work in the prison laundry. All day from five to eight she washing clothes. We see her twice a month for half an hour. Her face yellow and sickly. I asked her how she manages in her and she said she pretend she like me whenever someone tell her to do it she jumps up and do what they say.
We dressed Squeak( Mary Agnes) like a white women to visit her uncle the warden down at the prison where Sofia is held. We wanted the warden to take Sofia away from the prison and become the mayor's wife maid. So we made up a lie about how Sofia is happy where she is at and how it would be worse if she became the mayor's wife maid.
Squeak came home with a limp. Her dress rip. Her hat missing and one of the heels come off her shoe. Squeak told us that he could see the Hodges in her but didn't like it one bit. He started asking me who my folks were? I told him my mama's name, my grandmama's name and grandpa's name. He asked who my daddy's is and where did I get my eyes. I told him I didn't know who my daddy was. Then he asked if he had seen him before and I told him he has about ten years ago when I was a little girl he gave me a quarter. I told him I really appreciated that quarter. He didn't remember that. He took off my hat and told me to undo my dress. He said that if he was really my uncle he wouldn't do it to me. That that would be a sin. But this is just a little fornication. Everybody guilty of that.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Shug Avery.
Who would've thought that Miss Shug Avery would be stayin wit us! Mr. ____ didn't tell nobody that's why he left. He went to go get Shug. Even though she be sick with some disease Shug still lookin' real good. I believe she got it from sleeping around with a lot of men. I'm not gon lie her first words to me hurt a lil, "You sure is ugly". That didn't stop me from wantin to take care of her though. Glad I did too. After some time Shug and me be like best friends. I bath her (it's like praying!), comb her nappy hair (that I love), I even got her to eat some food. Mr. ____ didn't understand how I got her to eat. All I say is nobody can resist good ol ham.
Harpo has been real silly lately. All of a sudden he eat and eat and eat. More than ever. I didn't think much of it till I saw him eating all the biscuits at dinner. And then some. Got himself a potbelly. He finally told me why. He wants to get a big as Sofia and beat her down. I tell him to do the opposite. Me and Sofia are good now and Sofia don't be needing any beating. Not that she would take it. I tryna tell him they got love. Unlike me and Mr. _____.
Mr. _____'s father and brother come for a visit. The brother name be Tobias. Neither one of them like Shug. How could they not? Mr. _____'s father be talking real mean bout Shug. I spit in his water. Nobody talk bout Shug like that. Mr._____ felt the same. Anyone could tell he felt that way. Mr._____ and me shared this moment. We looked into each others eyes real deep. We have never been so close...
Sofia ain't happy no more. Her and Harpo ain't sleeping together like they used too. Say it like he don't even care bout when they do that. I guess that's a pretty important part of they marriage. Harpo really tryna break her down. But it ain't working. Sofia didn't wanna put up with it no more. She move in with her sister and bring along the children. Harpo tried to cover that love he has for her, but I saw him wipe away a tear. With the baby's cloth diaper too.
6 months gone by that Sofia been gone. I help Harpo and his friends open up a juke joint on his land. They even got beautiful Shug to sing there. It brings in good business. Shug convinced Mr. ____ to let me go to the joint. Oh I was excited. I heard Shug humming her lil songs around the house but never saw her perform live. I know it shouldn't but it hurt me when I see Shug and Mr. ____ making the eye contact that they were making. I know they should be in love.. I just don't know why it hurt me. Can't lie though. It sho felt good when Shug dedicated and named a song after me. Ain't nothing ever been named after me!
Harpo has been real silly lately. All of a sudden he eat and eat and eat. More than ever. I didn't think much of it till I saw him eating all the biscuits at dinner. And then some. Got himself a potbelly. He finally told me why. He wants to get a big as Sofia and beat her down. I tell him to do the opposite. Me and Sofia are good now and Sofia don't be needing any beating. Not that she would take it. I tryna tell him they got love. Unlike me and Mr. _____.
Mr. _____'s father and brother come for a visit. The brother name be Tobias. Neither one of them like Shug. How could they not? Mr. _____'s father be talking real mean bout Shug. I spit in his water. Nobody talk bout Shug like that. Mr._____ felt the same. Anyone could tell he felt that way. Mr._____ and me shared this moment. We looked into each others eyes real deep. We have never been so close...
Sofia ain't happy no more. Her and Harpo ain't sleeping together like they used too. Say it like he don't even care bout when they do that. I guess that's a pretty important part of they marriage. Harpo really tryna break her down. But it ain't working. Sofia didn't wanna put up with it no more. She move in with her sister and bring along the children. Harpo tried to cover that love he has for her, but I saw him wipe away a tear. With the baby's cloth diaper too.
6 months gone by that Sofia been gone. I help Harpo and his friends open up a juke joint on his land. They even got beautiful Shug to sing there. It brings in good business. Shug convinced Mr. ____ to let me go to the joint. Oh I was excited. I heard Shug humming her lil songs around the house but never saw her perform live. I know it shouldn't but it hurt me when I see Shug and Mr. ____ making the eye contact that they were making. I know they should be in love.. I just don't know why it hurt me. Can't lie though. It sho felt good when Shug dedicated and named a song after me. Ain't nothing ever been named after me!
Friday, April 3, 2009
The Fighting
Just when I was about to call out that I was coming in the yard, I heard something crashed. I opened the door cautious, thinking bout robbers and murderers. Horsethieves and hants. But it Sofia and Harpo. They fighting like two mens. Every piece of furniture they got turned over. Every plate look like it broke. The bed look like the stuffing pulled out. They don't notice they continue to fight. he tried to slap her and she reached down and grabbed a piece of stove wood and whacked him across the eyes. He punch her stomach, she double over groaning but come up with both hands locked right under his privates. I don't know how long this been going on. I don't know when they spect to conclude. I ease back out, wave to the children by the creek, walk back on up home. Saturday morning early, us hear a wagon. Harpo, Sofia, the two babies be going off the week-end, to visit Sofia sister.
For over a month I have trouble sleeping. I stay up late as I can before Mr._____ start complaining about the price of kerosene, then I soak myself in a warm bath with milk and epsom salts, then sprinkle little witch hazel on my pilliow and curtain out all the moonlight. Then just when it look like it ought to be getting good, I wake up. At first I'd get up quick and drink some milk. Then I'd think about counting fence post. Then I'd think about reading the Bible. A little voice say, Something you done wrong. Somebody spirit you sin against. Maybe. Way late one night it come to me. Sofia. I sin against Sofia spirit. I pray she don't find out, but she do Harpo told. You told Harpo to beat me, she said. No I didn't, I said. Don't lie, she said. I didn't mean it, I said. Then what you say it for, she asked. I say it cause I'm a fool, I say. I say it cause I'm jealous of you. I say it cause you do what I can't. What that? she say. Fight. I say. She said all my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my brothers. I had to fight my cousins and uncles. A girl child ain't safe in a family of men. But I never thought I had to fight in my own house. She let out her breath.I loves Harpo, she said . God knows I do. But I'll kill him dead before I let him beat me. Now if you want a dead son-in-law you just keep on advising him like you doing. I asked Sofia if she feel sorry for me and she said that she does. She said I reminded her of her mother. She was always under her daddy's foot. He hated children and he hate where they come from. Tho from all the children he got, you'd never know it. How many he got? Twelve. Whew I say. Bible say, Honor father and mother no matter what. Sofia said that I ought to bash Mr._____ head open adn think about heaven later. I laugh. she laugh. Then us both laughs so hard us flop down on the step. Let's make quilt pieces out of these messed up curtains, she said. And I run git my pattern book. I sleeps like a baby now.
For over a month I have trouble sleeping. I stay up late as I can before Mr._____ start complaining about the price of kerosene, then I soak myself in a warm bath with milk and epsom salts, then sprinkle little witch hazel on my pilliow and curtain out all the moonlight. Then just when it look like it ought to be getting good, I wake up. At first I'd get up quick and drink some milk. Then I'd think about counting fence post. Then I'd think about reading the Bible. A little voice say, Something you done wrong. Somebody spirit you sin against. Maybe. Way late one night it come to me. Sofia. I sin against Sofia spirit. I pray she don't find out, but she do Harpo told. You told Harpo to beat me, she said. No I didn't, I said. Don't lie, she said. I didn't mean it, I said. Then what you say it for, she asked. I say it cause I'm a fool, I say. I say it cause I'm jealous of you. I say it cause you do what I can't. What that? she say. Fight. I say. She said all my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my brothers. I had to fight my cousins and uncles. A girl child ain't safe in a family of men. But I never thought I had to fight in my own house. She let out her breath.I loves Harpo, she said . God knows I do. But I'll kill him dead before I let him beat me. Now if you want a dead son-in-law you just keep on advising him like you doing. I asked Sofia if she feel sorry for me and she said that she does. She said I reminded her of her mother. She was always under her daddy's foot. He hated children and he hate where they come from. Tho from all the children he got, you'd never know it. How many he got? Twelve. Whew I say. Bible say, Honor father and mother no matter what. Sofia said that I ought to bash Mr._____ head open adn think about heaven later. I laugh. she laugh. Then us both laughs so hard us flop down on the step. Let's make quilt pieces out of these messed up curtains, she said. And I run git my pattern book. I sleeps like a baby now.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
This New Life
Dear God,
Mr. _____'s oldest son, Harpo, be chasing me down licking me in the head with a rock. There be blood all over me. It be my wedding day too. Harpo's mammy died in his arms and he don't want no new one. Mr. ____ said to him don't do that. But that all he say and it did no help. His four kids put me to work. One of them girls hadn't had her hair comb since her mammy died. They cry and cry all day and curse murder pon me. They cry themselves to sleep. In bed that night, with my new husband, I think bout Shug Avery. I figure Shug was with him and probably liked what we was doing. I tried to enjoy it.
I couldnt believe it. I saw my Olivia today. The lady she was following was dressed real nice. When the lady talk she sweet too. I ast her my questions, and she be on her way. My babygirl is turning out to be real pretty. Her 7th birfday is coming up. The lady say in December, but I think it in November.
Nettie livin with us now. She couldn't stand being with pa no more. Didn't want to leave stepma but she know the boys will be fine. Nettie tryna git me to think. Git me to learn and know what be happening round the world. I try my best but I just too tired to be thinkin. It hurt me to think that she could end up with some one like Mr. _____. She deserve so much better than that. Nettie try to tell me to show them children who in charge. Tell me I got to fight. Mr. _____ must be upset that Nettie pay him no mind when he compliment her. She pass them on to me. He say to me we done all we can for Nettie and she best be gittin on her way. Say he don't care where she go. Nettie was happy to be leaving but not happy bout having to leave me. I didn't want her stayin here but God as my witness know I didn't wanna be way from her. Tell her to write me. She say only death can keep her from writing me. Notta single letter.
Carrie and Kate be the names of Mr. _____ sisters. They come to visit for some time. They tell me how Shug never clean and cook the way I do. They say Mr. _____ couldn't haven done betta if he tried. But I think of how he did try with other ones, like Shug. Kate came back a next time by herself. She got Mr. _____ to let us git a new dress for me. There was no purple dresses and Kate say he wouldn't pay for a red dress. Had a choice of brown, maroon, or navy blue. I like the blue the best. Wow. My own dress. Everything I ever wore was always somebody elses before. I tried to explain what it felt like to Kate. How could I ever thank her? She say I deserve betta. She try to talk to Mr. _____. Came back in tears and say something that reminded me of my sister, Nettie. You gotta fight them Kate say. Jus look where fighting got Nettie? Dead and gone.
Harpo say he fallen in love with a real spunky girl. He hasn't said a single word to her yet. But he assumes they gon get married. Much much later they finally talk. Harpo right. They intend to get married. Her parents didn't want Sofia gittin married and Mr. _____ ain't to crazy bout the idea either. Harpo got her pregnant. Now they have no choice but to get married. Just like they wanted.
While all that happened, Shug Avery came rollin through town to perform! I didn't git to see her. Real disappointed. But when I was helping Mr. _____ was gittin ready to see Shug, I say any women be proud to have him. He does alway look nice. He ast me you think so? He never ast me what I think before. It was nice. Shug and Mr. _____ spent the whole weekend together. Then she had to go and Mr. _____ came back real sad and low feeling. Made me and Harpo do more work. Harpo complain and don't have much skill. Remind me of this pa that way. Too bad too. If had as much will as he do muscle and height, he wouldn't let his daddy boss him like he boss me around. At least Harpo don't git beat like I do. And I git beat a lot. Hardly the children git that.
I help set up a shack by the lake for Harpo and Sofia. The shack is fixed up nice. Sofia is something else. The way she so strong and talk to Harpo with no beating.. She even got Harpo helping with the cleaning and taking care of the kids. She kinda like the man. Lets say we act very different. Harpo ast his pa and me how to make Sofia mind him, git her to do what he want. We both agreed, beat her. Too bad it went the other way around.
Mr. _____'s oldest son, Harpo, be chasing me down licking me in the head with a rock. There be blood all over me. It be my wedding day too. Harpo's mammy died in his arms and he don't want no new one. Mr. ____ said to him don't do that. But that all he say and it did no help. His four kids put me to work. One of them girls hadn't had her hair comb since her mammy died. They cry and cry all day and curse murder pon me. They cry themselves to sleep. In bed that night, with my new husband, I think bout Shug Avery. I figure Shug was with him and probably liked what we was doing. I tried to enjoy it.
I couldnt believe it. I saw my Olivia today. The lady she was following was dressed real nice. When the lady talk she sweet too. I ast her my questions, and she be on her way. My babygirl is turning out to be real pretty. Her 7th birfday is coming up. The lady say in December, but I think it in November.
Nettie livin with us now. She couldn't stand being with pa no more. Didn't want to leave stepma but she know the boys will be fine. Nettie tryna git me to think. Git me to learn and know what be happening round the world. I try my best but I just too tired to be thinkin. It hurt me to think that she could end up with some one like Mr. _____. She deserve so much better than that. Nettie try to tell me to show them children who in charge. Tell me I got to fight. Mr. _____ must be upset that Nettie pay him no mind when he compliment her. She pass them on to me. He say to me we done all we can for Nettie and she best be gittin on her way. Say he don't care where she go. Nettie was happy to be leaving but not happy bout having to leave me. I didn't want her stayin here but God as my witness know I didn't wanna be way from her. Tell her to write me. She say only death can keep her from writing me. Notta single letter.
Carrie and Kate be the names of Mr. _____ sisters. They come to visit for some time. They tell me how Shug never clean and cook the way I do. They say Mr. _____ couldn't haven done betta if he tried. But I think of how he did try with other ones, like Shug. Kate came back a next time by herself. She got Mr. _____ to let us git a new dress for me. There was no purple dresses and Kate say he wouldn't pay for a red dress. Had a choice of brown, maroon, or navy blue. I like the blue the best. Wow. My own dress. Everything I ever wore was always somebody elses before. I tried to explain what it felt like to Kate. How could I ever thank her? She say I deserve betta. She try to talk to Mr. _____. Came back in tears and say something that reminded me of my sister, Nettie. You gotta fight them Kate say. Jus look where fighting got Nettie? Dead and gone.
Harpo say he fallen in love with a real spunky girl. He hasn't said a single word to her yet. But he assumes they gon get married. Much much later they finally talk. Harpo right. They intend to get married. Her parents didn't want Sofia gittin married and Mr. _____ ain't to crazy bout the idea either. Harpo got her pregnant. Now they have no choice but to get married. Just like they wanted.
While all that happened, Shug Avery came rollin through town to perform! I didn't git to see her. Real disappointed. But when I was helping Mr. _____ was gittin ready to see Shug, I say any women be proud to have him. He does alway look nice. He ast me you think so? He never ast me what I think before. It was nice. Shug and Mr. _____ spent the whole weekend together. Then she had to go and Mr. _____ came back real sad and low feeling. Made me and Harpo do more work. Harpo complain and don't have much skill. Remind me of this pa that way. Too bad too. If had as much will as he do muscle and height, he wouldn't let his daddy boss him like he boss me around. At least Harpo don't git beat like I do. And I git beat a lot. Hardly the children git that.
I help set up a shack by the lake for Harpo and Sofia. The shack is fixed up nice. Sofia is something else. The way she so strong and talk to Harpo with no beating.. She even got Harpo helping with the cleaning and taking care of the kids. She kinda like the man. Lets say we act very different. Harpo ast his pa and me how to make Sofia mind him, git her to do what he want. We both agreed, beat her. Too bad it went the other way around.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Getting Married
I am fourteen years old. I have always been a good girl. I had a baby girl by my pa. He told me never to tell anybody but God because it will kill my mammy. My pa took my baby while I was sleeping kilt it out in the woods. Then I had another baby a boy this time, but I don't think he kilt it, I think he sold it to a man and his wife over at Monticello. My pa come home with a girl from round Gray. She be my age but they married. My little sister Nettie has a boyfriend in the same shape as Pa. His wife died. She was kilt by her boyfriend coming home from church. My daddy beat me today because he say I winked at a boy in church. I may have got something in my eye but I didn't wink. Mr.____ always looking at Nettie now I tell her to marry Mr._____. Have one good year out of your life. After that, I know she big. A girl at church say you get big if you bleed every month. I don't bleed no more. Mr._____ finally came right out and ask for Nettie's hand in marriage. He say she too young, no experience. My Pa told him that I was ugly but I wasn't a stranger of hard work and I was clean. He told him I was oldest so I should marry first( I was 20 at this time.) He could do whatever he wanted with me and I wasn't about to have him feed it or clothe it. It took him the whole spring from March to June, to make up his mind to take me. All I thought about was Nettie. The first time I got big Pa took me out of school. He never cared that I loved it. He told me I was too dumb to keep going to school and that Nettie was the clever one in the bunch. Mr._____came back to get a good look at me and before I knew it I was married to Mr.______.
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